The last place you would expect to suffer harm is in church.
Church should be a sanctuary of safety. A place to rest, breathe, and let your guard down. A place to be yourself and “come as you are.”
We are all sinners saved by grace. No one is perfect. We are all broken in some way.
This is all true. And yet, the wolves seek to devour, and that is the difference.
They appear as light.
They quote scripture.
They say and do all the right things.
They are charming and charismatic.
They build your trust.
And then. They bite.
What looked good and holy was actually evil and sinister. How can this be?
But wait! They are good people doing so much good for the Kingdom. There is fruit. How is this possible?
We never expect harm from the church or its people.
Our radars are down, our hearts are open, and we believe and see the best in others. Jesus warned us: “I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock.” Acts 20:29 NIV
They will come in.
They will be among you.
They will be ferocious.
They will not spare the flock.
In other words, they are there to destroy. And that is what they do.
So what can we do?
Admit abuse is a problem.
First, we have to admit we have a problem. I am sure there are statistics out there, but what I can tell you from personal experience is that on any given Sunday, survivors of sexual abuse are among you. So are predators. I’ve heard from many women of all ages who have shared their stories of horror. They show up, serve, and smile at church. They’ve rarely told anyone about the suffering they’ve endured.
That was me. I hid my secrets behind a smile for nearly 40 years.
If we talk about abuse and acknowledge that it happens, we open the doors for survivors to say “me too” and find hope and healing in Jesus. If they want counseling, we help them find and get professional trauma-informed counseling. We support them and let them know we care. We listen and learn.
The silence is suffocating, and we all long to hear that we are seen and loved by God. Who is going to tell them? Where will they find hope?
We can talk about abuse. Ask survivors to share their stories. Listen to the horror of their suffering and sit with them in their pain and recovery.
{By the way, if you don’t feel comfortable talking about sexual abuse, I will be happy to come to your church or group to speak. You can contact me and see my upcoming events here: https://journeypink.com/speaking/}
Address and prevent abuse.
Second, we have to address abuse. Jesus did not sweep anything under the table. He turned over the tables. We must address the abuse. Report it. Make others aware. Call it by its name. It is not an affair. It is abuse. It is not a weakness; it is a predator. Sadly, it is usually not their first rodeo. They’ve done it before, and they will do it again. Our silence allows it to perpetuate.
We have to be the voice for the voiceless.
We can educate ourselves on abuse, grooming, DARVO, and all of the things that allow abuse to thrive. Open our eyes with awareness. Pay attention and ask questions. If you see something, say something. Think about safety and what it looks like in the church. We constantly need and ask for help in the youth group and in the nursery. Background checks are not stopping abuse. Sadly, most predators are not on any radar or list. They have never suffered any consequences, so you will not know about their past. They have brainwashed their victims into silence and made them feel guilty, used, and shamed. Alone. Afraid.
Make sure predators understand there are consequences for their actions.
We are charged to protect the sheep. Children are vulnerable. We talk about a lot of sin, but not this one. We talk a lot about sexual sin and purity, but not sexual abuse. It is the last thing we want to talk about or listen to, and that is why it continues to thrive in the darkness.
We must bring it into the light.
What does the Bible say about predators and wolves? Jesus said if anyone causes a little one or a new believer to stumble, it would be better for them to have a millstone tied around their neck and drowned in the sea. (Matthew 18:6 NIV) And have you read 2 Peter 2? Check out the entire chapter, but here are a few verses:
Start the conversation. Talk about abuse. Talk about the consequences. Let everyone know that children are a blessing and a gift and that they will be protected. Create a ‘Neighborhood Watch’ for the church. Be vigilant and aware. Make others aware. Speak up.
What Jesus said to Peter, He is saying to us: “Do you love me? Take care of my sheep.”
Thanks for writing this. Much needed.